The Group Chat Has Spoken: The Science of Ghosting Friends We Secretly Hate
CHAOS CORNERRELATIONSHIPS
Every friend group has a ghosting story
One minute, you are inseparable. Matching outfits, inside jokes, “bestie bestie” energy. The next, you are watching their Instagram stories in silence while pretending you do not know their full dating history.
Maybe you were ghosted. Maybe you did the ghosting. Maybe the friendship just died a slow, peaceful death like a WhatsApp group chat after the birthday plan flopped. Either way, ghosting happens.
But why do we do it?
1. The slow fade is the official breakup strategy
Nobody ever says the friendship is over. There is no official statement, no exit interview, no formal resignation letter. We just stop texting first.
The once daily check-ins turn into “Hope you are good, love!” messages that no one responds to. The plans to meet up get postponed until “next month” turns into “one day” and “one day” turns into never.
Then, just like that, the friendship is over, but nobody wants to say it out loud.
2. The excuses get weaker and weaker
At first, we try to be polite. “Sorry, babe, this week is crazy, but let’s meet next Saturday!” A few weeks later, “Let’s plan something soon.” By the third time, it is “How are youuuu? It has been forever!” with no intention of making real plans.
Eventually, both parties silently agree that this friendship is now just Instagram likes and awkward “Happy Birthday” texts.
3. Outgrowing a friendship is real, but no one talks about it
Some friendships are meant to last a lifetime. Others were situationships in disguise. They were great for that phase of life, but now you are different people, and forcing the friendship feels like forcing a group project where one person is doing all the work.
Maybe you were inseparable in university, but now every conversation feels like a recap of “Remember that night at BND when we almost got arrested?” and nothing else.
If the only thing keeping a friendship alive is nostalgia, it is already over.
4. But sometimes, the ghosting is intentional
Let’s not act innocent. Some ghosting is fully premeditated.
Maybe the friendship was draining. Maybe there was a slow buildup of petty things that finally pushed you over the edge. Maybe one day, they said something so unserious, you suddenly realized you actually do not like them.
Instead of a dramatic fight, we choose the stealthy, stress-free option—quietly leaving the friendship like an Uber driver who cancels after making you wait 10 minutes.
It is messy, but it works.
5. The awkward reunion is inevitable
No matter how well you ghost someone, the universe will humble you.
You will run into them at a wedding, a baby shower, or a mutual friend’s birthday party. You will make stiff small talk while both of you pretend you do not remember how the friendship ended.
Someone will say, “We should catch up!” and you will both nod enthusiastically, knowing very well that meeting will never happen.
So, is ghosting a friend always bad?
It depends. If the friendship was toxic, exhausting, or no longer serving you, then ghosting was just a stress management decision.
But if you ghosted someone who genuinely cared about you because you got too lazy to maintain the friendship, maybe it is time to take accountability.
Either way, the group chat has already discussed it. You have been judged accordingly.
Have you ever ghosted a friend? Were you the one who got ghosted? Let’s talk about it in the comments.
